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Devil’s Advocate – Can we be friends? – Round 3

From a couple’s perspective: If there’s an attraction between man and woman, Can they be friends?

Locksley Gayle - Attraction, can we escape that? If it’s not felt immediately, can it be developed? Just my opinion, I think attraction is always there, unless you do something to turn me off. This is a man speaking. I mean, it does not take much to be aroused. When I was younger it was all the time. Now, we have a little better control. What I’m saying is, we are not going to jump on anyone. Why can’t I be a friend with a woman I’m attracted to? Is it a fantasy to have this? Is it like going to a strip club and then coming home to your wife? I can’t say I would never cheat, because I can’t make a promise like that. I can say, I don’t want to be that guy. I also know, things happen and anything is possible. So yes, by having an attractive friend might increase that chance of infidelity but I don’t approach life like that. If I walk down the block, I could get shot; therefore I’m not going to walk down the block SMH. Sorry not me, I don’t live in fear. I don’t think you should choose a friend based on her appearance, this might be discrimination lol. This might be different for women but we are damn near attracted to any woman walking. Now women, if you can’t trust your husband, that’s okay but I think is not a trust issue because if it were why would you be with him. I think it’s a reflection on you and your insecurities. Let the man live

Sophie Heng - "Let the man live. If you can't trust your husband, it's a reflection on you and your insecurities." Reading that makes me determined one to two things. You are oblivious to women and the way that they think and act. You may have just experience a bunch of crazy women and you are not factoring in, why she's insecure or does not trust a man.

A relationship without trust is usually because the man has cheated before, have cheated on another woman to be with this new women (herself), have admitted that he almost cheated on her (yes, please don't tell her this) or because she's just psychopathic. (I've seen a few) There's nothing wrong with wanting to be friends with the opposite sex. But that can be extremely dangerous given these conditions:

1. You are sexually frustrated your girlfriend/wife.

2. The women you are friends with is extremely attracted to you or you to her.

3. You are confiding to another woman about the business between you and your girlfriend/wife.

When putting together these conditions and you find yourself confiding in another women, you really need to re-evaluate why you are feeling this way and go to the root of the problem which is your girlfriend or wife. If nothing is resolved and you find yourself seeking the comfort of a female friend whom you are attracted to and she's attracted to you, the road often leads to disaster. A friendly flirt will turn into a friendly touch and then a friendly embrace, and then casual sex.

Maybe you don't agree with the first scenario, let's look at this one. The friendly flirting turns into friendly touching and then friendly embracing but it never crossed the line. You have actually already opened Pandora's box by allowing another woman to get this close to you. This female friend might have deeper feelings for you than you care to know. You were just seeking someone who was going to give you a little ego boost but she wants to keep you. She knows there are issues between you and your wife, she knows that you still love your wife but she knows there's a chance for her because you ALLOWED her to get that close. So she starts plotting, seducing, and causing problems until you leave your wife or your wife leaves you.

And that is why men and women who are attracted to each other cannot be friends. When the lines have crossed and the sex is involved, friendship is not allowed unless you want to run into disaster?

Tags: relationships

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Comment by Merge By on July 26, 2010 at 10:34pm: I say this often in my life "It's not that serious" Earlier you spoke about accountability. I agreed. We should be responsible for our own actions and except consequences for our actions. I also say, I try not to put myself in a position to cheat. But I think we all need to be tested and strengthen from it. You don't want to be a virgin in a room full of strippers LOL, come on. When you finally get there you might melt.

"Reading that makes me determined one to two things. You are oblivious to women and the way that they think and act. " LOL Duh, you gals are from a different planet.